More Southern Hemisphere Ramblimgs

Hey Blogger brothers,

Thank you for your faithfullness. I am not deserving but I love you guys. Your love and support on my last post means the world to me.

A Boyfriend?

To expand on my last post. Yes, I do have a boyfriend.

A charming gentle soul. A real teddy bear of a man. Like so many relationships these days it started on the net. I found a small and heartfelt piece of writing I could identify with on the net. I wrote to the corresponding email address. We only exchanged words, never so much as a picture. I was well smitten by his writing and we kept the email correspodence for a while. When we met in person, the man turned out to be just as attractive to me in persone as he writing was. A smile that reached his eyes and somehow weakened my knees. The rug peering out from his shirt also had a big appeal ;). Not to mention a great sense of humour. He really is a caring soul.

I seriously did not contemplate that I am any kind of emotional state to deal with a relationship. But there it is. We have been seeing each other a little over four months now. I wont make predictions on the future. I don't think either of us was in any position to start the relationship. (Truth be told it lacks the smarts completely). I will keep living as long as I can in the moment though. I really do believe it is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all.

Gay Socialising.

My therapist (Glad I opted to see one. Thanks for the encouragement Troll.), suggested as a newly coming out man I spend time socialising with gay men. He feels I still need time to gain acceptance of myself as a gay man and this would help. I think I am okay on the acceptance of self part. On the social front I dont think I have ever felt more comfortable in my skin. I have met an amazing group of people, whom I thoroughly enjoy spending time with. Thankfully I have not found it difficult to make new friends.

I was invited to attend a drag show . My first time ever attending such an event. I laughed until my sides hurt. I also have a new found respect for drag queens as a whole

After the show we hit the club scene. My ego took a slight knock when I realised that most ( read all) of the clubs patrons where somewhat younger than I was. I was pleasantly surprised though by the attention I got though. Very flattering.

The Spectre of HIV

It is with some sorrow I have lost one of those new found friends this last weekend due to late stage HIV complications. It makes a strong case for frequent testing and the merits of early detection. He did not know his HIV status until mere weeks before he died. It was also sobering and brought home why one cannot be careless even once.

Of Importance

Spider, Bigg , gents are never far from my mind.

I love you guys now.
I always will
Anthony

Moving onward and upward.

One day I may get it right to blog with any kind of regularity........but in the mean time,

Life has moved along at break neck speed. I am happier now than I have been perhaps in years.

My first order of business post divorce has been to work on opening those closet doors. The person I most feared outing myself to with consideration was my brother. His rejection would close to detroy me. With this in mind, I approached a Non-Profit who was able to put me in touch with a therapist, who specialises in helping people come out of the closet. There was a delay of some weeks until I could actually get an appointment to see the therapist. My appoinment was set for a Wednesday.

Come the Tuesday night before the appointment, I could no longer contain myself. I went to my brothers place, sat him down and with difficulty told all. I spoke from the heart telling all but the intimate and sordid details. His reaction was better than I could have hoped for. He admitted he was shocked, and I could see he was uncomfortable. He was supportive though. He did quickly move on, and my "gayness" became an 800 pound gorilla in the room. At least he did not reject me. I accept he needed time to assimilate what I had told him. It is some weeks on now and all is good between us. His wife has been the very pillar of support which has also been amazing.

I have outed myself to a number of friends since then. Without exception they have stood by me. I am amazed , touched and happy. The people in my life have shown themselves to be so much more than I perhaps gave them credit for. I am truly blessed.

My life is a lot less closeted now and I am enjoying that freedom. It is nice to know I am free to be seeing in the company of man without worrying what people may think.


In other news, in recent weeks I met someone, and dare I say he is absolutely enchanting. I am more than a little smitten by him.

It is far to soon for me to contemplate something serious or longterm, but I am living in the moment and enjoying it for all it is worth. It has made me really believe that I will be able to build a new life, with someone special that is not lonely.

With my love as always
Anthony.

A Quick Check In.

Hey good blogger folk,

Thanks to all of you who keep stopping by. Your support and loyalty is much appreciated. I will post again soon. Somethings have happened in the last month that should be mentioned. I am well and loving life.

I am sure by the time any of you read this you will already know that our man Spider goes for surgery tomorrow.

These days there seems to be a ribbon for every illness out there, and you never know when someone who you know, who has touched you life may be affected. The ribbon reflected below is for Colorectal Cancer. Spider, you are much loved and thought about. I wish you a speedy reovery. People, please keep Spidey in your thoughts and prayers.

Anybody who perhaps wants to use the image to show support for Spidey or another loved one , please feel free.



Look after yourselves.
With much love
Anthony

All kinds of everything.

Hey Blogger Folk,

I am still alive and kicking down South. Winter arrived here in full force this morning. The day started at around 17° Fahrenheit this morning. Very cold for this time of year in these parts. It does make me wonder just how cold winter is going to get. The sun is bright and the sky a crisp African Blue. An invigorating kind of day in my books. All it lacked was a big cuddly bear to wake up next to ;-). Hey a man can have a fantasy can't he?

I did have an awesome weekend, on the back of a horse with a life long friend (and long ago lover.) and his lovely wife. He grew up straight, ............I did not. It was a little like being a kid again and playing cowboys. Talk about acceptance, his wife knows my history with him and still absolutely loves me and accepts me just as I am. I would have understood had she treated me like some kind of leper. If I could bottle the joy I felt with hem this weekend and sell it, I would be a wealthy man. It did highlight again for me how frienships truly are priceless.

In othe news, I recently got into one of those, "God does not approve of Gays and we are all going to burn" debates. A waste of time really, but one of the points raised was that you don't find Homosexuality in the animal kindom (It's not natural). I was quite surprised to learn humans are not part of the animal kingdom (Boy, I am gonna give my biology teacher a piece of my mind) ;-).

Seriously my only response to that was you have not spent a lot of time in nature. There are millions of recorded cases of homosexuality across pretty much the entire range of species. Anyway, catching up on the news this AM, I found an article that was kind of touching. Not only is it about queers in the animal kingdom but OMG, Gay Adoption as well. Please check out the story of Carlos and Fernando Here. This story does the same for me as a Spider Warm and Fuzzy Friday.

Anway the Salt Mine Beckons. In closing though see if you can spot a subtle change in my blog? I am contemplating prize for the first reader to spot it ;-).

With Much Love
a not woeful
Anthony

The meme was irresistable

Thanks colaboy.

If you read this consider yourself tagged, unless of course you really don't want to play ;-)

Go to Wikipedia, and type in the month and day of your birth (no year). Then list 3 events, 2 birthdays and 1 death - I have added some commentry to my results since they seemed pertinent.

The Events
37 - Roman Emperor Caligula accepts the titles of the Principate, entitled to him by the Senate.
Caligula was one of the first, "educational" films I watched ;-)

1776 - Juan Bautista de Anza finds the site for the Presidio of San Francisco.
I could not resist the San Francisco link.

1994 - In South Africa, Zulus and African National Congress supporters battle in central Johannesburg, resulting in 18 deaths.
This particular event had a big impact on me. I was an eyewitness to this event. Seeing a man die being hacked to death with a panga (Farming implement with a large blade) less than ten metres from me has left some scars. The gun fire, the violence, and the terror of the people fleeing for their lives is etched deep within my mind. The event is recorded in our history as the "Shell House Massacre".

Needless to say I did not celebrate my birthday that year. Remarkably just less than two weeks later South Africa turned the corner in its political strife and had it's first truly democratic election. It has been my privlege to have lived through some of this country's most monumental moments. By a twist of fate I was employed by an international news agency at the time and got to experience a lot of the buzz at very close range.

The Births
1941 - Alf Clausen, orchestra conductor and composer.
He gave us theme tune for, "The Simpsons"

1973 - Eddie Fatu, Samoan professional wrestler
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Not quite the Tattoo daddy I think about ;-)
The Death
1943 - Sergei Rachmaninoff, Russian composer and pianist
In my dreams I can perform his third piano concerto.

Love
A not woeful woe.

Two blogs in just over a week. Will this madness ever end .........?

I have included two Memes here. Thanks Spider. You are very much in my thoughts always.

Time Passages Meme’

1AM In which time zone do you live?
GMT +2:00

2 AM What time do you get up in the morning?
I used to rely on an alarm and wake up at 6am. Of late with the insomnia that came with the turmoil in my life, I opted to rather sleep in until I wake up naturally. Thankfully I have a job that allows for some flexibility in starting time.

3 AM Is there a time of day that is your favorite?
I am a night person - I love it when the sun goes down - I feel safer and more secure in the darkness. Sorry I stole this straight from Spider. Otherwise I like the morning before the day gets hot or the late afternoon when it cools down. If I am on horseback at the time, so much the better.

4AM A ‘waste of time’ for you is…
Time spent arguing over trivialities. I try and pick my fight carefully as a result.

5AM Do you have a favorite timepiece?
A small silver Fob Watch with a cracked face that was bequeathed to me. One Hundred and fifty five years old and it still keeps time faithfully. I doubt they make them like that anymore.

6AM What has been the best time of your life so far? For all it's ups and downs these moments I am living now have to be it. I am comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a long time.

7AM If you could save time in a bottle, you would….
Keep it to use for outdoor activity.

8AM I have no time for….
Predjudice and religious intolerance.

9AM This takes you more time than the usual person to do…
My Job. I procrastinate a lot . ;-)

10AM What time in history would you go to visit?
Ancient Greece.

11AM What was the worst time of your life?
Probably the last two years. To Sound like Charles Dickens though, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.............."

12PM For a good time, I do the following….
Take a day in the country on Horseback .

Imagine…

1. Live anywhere in the world, where would it be?Here in Africa on a farm.

2. Have any job, what would it be?
Trail rider. Yes, it's a cowboy thing.

3. Have a date with any actor/actress, who would it be with?

George Clooney. In his batman outfit preferably

4. Who would you want to look like?
Just me.

5. Whose brain would you like to have?
Just mine

6. Would you rather be a famous Singer, Author, Actor or Artist(painter)?
Author

7. Have a farm, what five animals would you have on it?
Horses, Dogs, Cats, Ducks and swans.

8. Own a famous painting, what would it be?
I had to think about this. My final pick was Ivan Aivazovsky's Moonlit Night. It would work so well with the colours in my bedroom.

9. Have your dream wedding, where would it be?
On a mountain top looking down on the mist below.

This mountain in particular. Table Mountain - South Africa.

10. Have your last meal on earth, what would it be?
A croissant with rocket, proscuito and emmentaler cheese on it with hot chocolate made the way it should be with a bar of chocolate melted into hot milk.

11. Afterthought!
Be any superhero, who would you be?
As long as he has a six pack and a bulge I don't really care :-). Okay I confess as a kid I was big on Captain America.

Feel free to do one or both memes.

With Love

A not woeful woe.

Just an update etc.

Good day folk,

Just checking in. Thanks for the comments on my last entry and the requests for a front view. It did make me smile. Who knows what the future holds ;-)

In other news, for those who have followed this blog from inception, I am finally divorced. It puts me in a better position to start putting my life back together. The legal proceedings did take forever. Thankfully they are over. I will credit a Troll for keeping my thinking straight on perhaps the best way to proceed without resorting to a brutal dispute which may have left me with, "Divorce Victory" and a moral defeat. Thank you Troll.

The divorce was amicably done with decent access to my children.

I do consider myself officially a single gay man. A title I am comfortable with for the first time in my life.

It really saddened me to see what has happened to Spiders blog. I am inclined to have a lot to say to the spineless fuckwit who took such pains to try and ruin a man. I wont waste my breath suffice to say I believe Spider is a million times the man you could ever hope to be.

I am going to cut this short for now. Hopefully I can keep work at bay long enough to visit a few of you.

Love
a not woeful
woe

Still Standing and I got my boots on.

Hello good people of blogworld.

Seems I still have not mastered the art of regular blogging. I am alive and kicking. The legal disbandment of the tatters that was my marriage is near to complete. It has been a long fight but I am still standing and I have my boots on so I am just about ready for anything. I will leave it to you dear reader to speculate if the image is me in some kind of Half Nekkid Thurday post or a stock photo of sorts ;-).

Slowly I am outing myself to the world. Some days I believe that all will be well. Other days I see looming misery. I was reminded again the other day that all is not rosy. I found myself seated at a function in the company of six gay bashers. I kept my silence. I ask myself afterwards is it cowardice or self preservation. I am leaninig towards self preservation.

Living alone has given me time to catch up on some reading. I am getting through up to three novels a week. (perhaps I should get out more.)

Speaking of reading , please do check out Second Chances by
Brian Fletcher. Available here in hardcopy and here as an ebook. The book is well worth reading. Each person will take something different away from it. The feelings captured, belonging to a man who may lose the children he loves because they are not his biologically, came uncomfortably close to home for me. I am not going to say much more. I would encourage you all to buy it. This is an unsolicited endorsement. The book really had a lot of meaning for me.

I am going to relate a short story here that has left me pondering.

Roll back to my early twenties before I climbed firmly into the closet. I was away on business in a foreign land. I met a man. An immediate attraction, long hours working together, intimate conversation. A stolen kiss and a cuddle or two. A few months later he arrives on my local shore. Right after I have got into the closet. I behave like a complete asshole towards him. Distance myself from my gay past as quickly as I can. He returns to his foreign land justifiably hurt.

Surprise Surprise. Roll forward to my tentaive outing here in blogworld, and suddenly I find the man on my mind. I realise I owe at the very least an apology to this man. It took me seven months or so to track him down. He had taken on a new job in a new city. I finally got him on the other end of a phone line. I half expected he would hang up once he realised it was me. He was rightly suspicious to hear from me. I made my apology and asked his forgiveness. He is polite and diplomatic and assure me I am forgiven. I try and maintain contact but communication dies away pretty quickly. At least I felt okay for having made a long overdue apology.

Out of the blue my phone rings the other day. It is him to say he will be visiting our shores and maybe we should meet for coffee. I up the ante and invite him to stay at my place. He accepts.

I did spend some amazing time with the man. What I learnt is that attraction can last more than a decade. We enjoyed long late evenings, talking kissing cuddling. Leisurely breakfasts, laughter and even venturing out to some gay venues where for the first time I found myself living out loud as a gay man, completely at ease and relaxed.

It was with some sorrow I took him to the airport and bid him farewell. My bed is just that little bit more lonely now. The few days of physical affection from a flesh and blood human were wonderful.

Maybe in the next blog I will write what it is it has made me ponder about.

Thats me in a nut shell.
Love ya.
Your not woeful woe.