A December to remember.

"And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last" - Counting Crows - A Long December .

I know it’s daft to bring up my previous December in February, but it forms part of the story I have to tell. . To those of you wondering what I look like please take a peak at the previous post.

First on the agenda, just a shout out to some new reads of mine. Peter from Tippin the scales, Daveincleveland and Steven at Sooo-this-is-me. Gentlemen, welcome, thanks for stopping by and thanks for sharing of yourselves. Additionally I have just found Jen over at Kids of Queers. Good reading for queer parents and kids with queer parents.

Second up my December to remember.

I spent the first half of my December with my kids. The longest uninterrupted period I had seen them in over a year. It was awesome. Far better than two days in 14. Them headed back to mom, has left me with a dull ache.

For the second half of December I made up my mind to start checking out the gay bar/club scene. It felt okay to do, since I am out to pretty much the world at large now. I found myself some friends and we hit the scene in earnest. I acted the perfect social butterfly, experiencing as much as I could in a short space of time. It felt awesome to get out on the tiles so to speak and shake what my momma gave me. The attention of a massively younger man was very flattering to say the least. I will admit I may have kissed a guy or two ;-).

Key here for me was the liberation I felt to be who I am, with no pretense, 100% comfortable in my own skin, with a whole heap of kindred souls. It has been years since I can recall having such a good time. I cannot actually adequately describe how good it felt to just be. I had forgotten what it was like to hit the sack long after sunrise. It was two weeks of sheer indulgence

What I did not anticipate, was the presence of photographers at these clubs, taking photographs, for some gay and social websites. My mug appearing on multiple websites with gay splashed all over them, did compel me to out myself to anyone remaining I thought I would rather be the first to tell. That was probably a good thing. The fact I am with a different man in each photograph could be severely misinterpreted. I was not a slut. I promise :-).

In my previous post I referred to some news that stunned me some. A lot of that has to do with my own impulsive behavior. A far cry from the wreck who wrung his hands over every decision he ever made.

I will try and keep it short.

On the 27th of Dec, I agreed to meet a man (Jakes) for lunch (this been the first time we ever met). Lunch was good, company was excellent. I have rarely felt that comfortable with someone ever, especially so soon after the first hello. We agreed to meet again for drinks the following night.

On the 28th night time seemed a long way off so we met for lunch, followed by drinks in the evening. Went to a bar, and caught a few live bands, trying to pay their dues. After that we hit the club scene. The sun was up before we said our good byes outside the club. The comfortable feeling I had first experienced was pervasive

On the 29th. Jakes invited me to a theatre production. Neither of us had any idea what the show was about. The local press had little to say on the production. It turned out to be a really excellent, hilarious and camp view of the airline industry. The lead performed by a brilliant drag artist, not a line was wasted. The innuendo, humour and wordplay in every line was hilarious. We left the theatre with our sides and faces sore from the laughter

Three days in I was still feeling really good and well at ease in his company.

Three days later, he moved in to my apartment me.

Insane by most peoples standards. I am running on an impulse. We are both trying to keep a realistic outlook. We are both recently out of long term relationships. I have had one short term relationship in between (refer to October 2007 Boyfriend post). Neither of us wants to get hurt.

Strangely we both have the same quirks: The kind that would generally annoy a partner. Since we have them in common, that is working out rather well. Everything right now just fits and fits really comfortably.

The day after I met him I still made a bold statement and said, "I won't let anyone get too close to me for a very long time." Can I have some cheese sauce to make the words more palatable as I swallow them?

He has met my family already. They experienced that same at ease feeling. To my brother's credit this is quite a stretch for him. The last thing he had imagined in life is that his brother would turn out gay. He has taken it all in his stride. I am both relieved and happy. I guess blood truly is thicker than water.

What I will say is he is a really exceptional guy. He has integrity, I can only hope to one day achieve. He is sensitive, caring, humourous, gentle and dare I say sexy.

Importantly, my children like him. He had a lot of apprehension about meeting them. I swear the man is a natural. My kids have all found a friend in him. I had major concern about their response to a man sharing my bed. My fears were unfounded. Kids just accepted it as the most natural thing in the world. Obviously I see a need to safeguard my kids should things not work out. To Jakes’ credit, he raised the issue.

My eldest asked me some honest questions after the first weekend. I gave him some very honest answers. I am certain now I will never loose my kids, come what may. I am a blessed dad.

We have been together over a month now. The relationship is just as comfortable. I found myself counting my blessings again as I lay with Jakes in one arm, and my eldest son in the other, watching a Sci-Fi flick, last night.

I won't make any predictions on the future. Right now we are living in the moment I guess. I would be lying if I said I am not hugely taken by Jakes. I lay awake at night and look at his sleeping form next to me and smile with a pleasure and certain amount of disbelief.

I am indeed a fortunate man.

With Much Love
Anthony

It is time HNT

Hello blogger folk.

Thanks for anyone still around. I am perhaps undeserving but grateful. No it's not Thursday, but I can fake it if you can?

In December 2005 (21st to be exact) I posted an HNT pic and text as follows,
The picture I most want to post. The one that my heart aches to post. It would leave me more naked than any other. I long for the day I can post it here in its unaltered unedited state.

Well that day has arrived. I am far more out of the closet than in. I have had my first relationship of the bent persuasion, skinned my heart and skinned my knees (sorry, could not resist) . I have broken up. I am older and wiser.

I am not afraid to be recognised, I no longer need to hide my face and be an anonymous entity. I am What I Am

So here is me looking at you. It is a newer image than the pic I originally used. The pic is 100% pure unaltered, honest and recent.


I will end with a tip of the hat to a few of the lads who have been here for a long time and have seen me go from Married/bisexual/confused/angst ridden man to just a big ol gay boy :)

Scotty, who rattled the closet door. It set a ball in motion that I am forever grateful for.

Spider(man), who challenged my thinking around myself and my childhood. He helped me make peace with the child I left behind.

Hypoxic, who inspired me to take a stand on human rights. He made me see it was bigger than a "gay" thing.

Troll, my far flung voice of moderation who, gave me pause for thought and tempered my reactions through some really dark days.

Bigg, who posted with such beauty and expression of love for his children

Stephen , whose words can make a person ache, and yet believe and long for something more. His choice of images to embellish his posts are always par excellance.

MrSecret, who became no secret and inspired me forward.

Colaboy, who in few words made me comfortable to explore myself some more. His HNT pics have always been pleasing on the eye ;-)

Rob , who reminded me sometimes it is best to fly below the radar.

Flip, a man of conviction. The kind who inspires and challenges you to be a better person

Drew, a voice amongst the married gay men, who just made the world a little less lonely.

Mr Brian, who gave insightful relationship advice, in my dealings with my ex wife. Also for his book Second Chances that addressed the emotion of possibly losing the children that are not biologically yours.

Jamie, a wolf with good wishes and honest writing.

Paul, for his thought provoking and sometimes challenging quotes.

Peter , who is too busy to be sick, and inspiring in his outlook on life.

Phoenixboi , for his support and HAWT HNT pics :)

Nate, another in the, Married(gay) with children, series. Reading his honesty and the conflict within, has been comforting.

Tony, who has done some HNT hotness and oft made me think of the things I like and who I am.

There are others. Please forgive me if you are not mentioned here. Thank you and bless you all.

The next update is in the pipeline. I am a little stunned by it's contents myself.

With Love
Anthony