When it comes to politics I do not generally appeal to my local friends and my U.S.A friends at the same time. Today must be different
To my South African Friends,
In this coming year we have a general election coming up. I beg of you take a stand and be counted. Vote for someone, anyone. Heaven knows I don’t give a rat’s ass who you vote for. Just please don’t be complacent about it. Take a moment to reflect on how your right to vote was paid for in blood by many. Take a moment to reflect on how if you don’t vote now, in ten years you may not have the right to vote anymore. Reflect for a moment on how grand life might be if Julius Malema gets a cabinet post.
If you have not registered yet , *smack* you naughty person you. Head on over to
https://www.elections.org.za. You can find out where to register or verify that you are still registered and on the Voters Roll. Mark the 8th and 9th of November 2008 in your diary’s now. These are voter registration days, where you will be able to register at your nearest polling station. A South African I.D. Document and proof of residence will be required.
To my American friends,
Your day of reckoning is a lot closer. All I will say here is maybe just maybe if there had been less voter apathy the “Clown Prince of The World”, George Dubbya would not have had a second term in office. Don’t think your vote cannot make a difference. When your top man/woman treads on your civil liberties, they tread on the worlds’. Yes I am a fan of Barack Obama, but no, I won’t be prescriptive of how you should vote. Just please do vote. Maybe you want to reflect on where the republican administration got you and the world in the last two terms of office.
A Conclusion of sorts,
In short people voter apathy for me is appalling. If you are apathetic, don’t complain about your government after the fact. It may well be that your apathetic attitude helped put them there.
Interesting that apathy and pathetic have their origins in the same greek root “pathos”
Apathy – Insensibilty or indifference to suffering
Pathetic – liable to suffer.
Notably I think one leads the other. Your indifference to suffering will make you liable to suffer.
One last time, with feeling. Go and Register, Go and Vote Dammit! :-)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
South African Rambles
Well hello again good people of blogsphere,
The post is largely similar to a letter I sent to a friend and far flung love a few days back.
I hope this post finds you all well and in good spirits.
My life ambles on, in an uncertain form of domestic bliss. It is all still "moonshine and roses" between Jakes and myself. I have oft contemplated that one day he would move on and I would be devastated. The strange thing is I realised last week if he seeked more commitment from me, I would be terrified. I am not sure I am ready for the long term. It amazes me that I could freely say "I love you" to a man in a foreign land and mean it. I cannot say it to the man who has shared my bed for the last eight months. Love is not a word either of us can bring ourselves to put "out there". Right now it still works and we enjoy what we have.
We are still actively involved in the bear community. Sometimes the SA Bears and the SA Leathermen have a combined gathering at a local watering hole. Rather festive and a lot of fun.
In my first forays into the gaybourhood, I met a friend and lover who breached the safety of cyberspace relationships. I think we met at a time where we could both meet a variety of needs within each other. Like me he started out as the deeply closeted gay man. We spoke again this week. It is awesome to see him bloom as a person living as an out gay man.
My children are all well. I am hugely proud of them. I know I upset their lives hugely in pursuit of a more honest me. They all took it in their stride. It is good to know I am loved by them
My mother called some weeks back to ask me some questions. She had seen something on Dr Phil about some children whose parents had come out of the closet.
She asked me if my children were okay with my "condition" ? I could only laugh, and contemplate calling in sick with my "conditon". I assured her the children were fine with my condition and that they got on really well with Jakes. She did tell me how shocked she was to discover my sexuality and that she loves me anyway but that my father does not approve. I was not surprised by that. My father was always the one to hide behind on dissaproval. "I am fine with .... but your father.........." was oft heard.
My dad and I have managed to keep speaking. I can see he does struggle with having a gay son.
Coversations with him are fine and unstunted as long as we stick to safe topics like work and the weather.
My mom has since contacted me to ask about bears and the nature of the partys. She also wanted to know who is the woman in a gay relationship. I pointed out we are gay because we like men. There is no woman in our relatioship. She then skirted around trying to ask who does what to whom in the bedroom. I told her it has nothing to do with her what happens in my bedroom. I then took the time to explain tops, bottoms, versatile men and those who don't indulge in anal play at all. I did not indicate anything as to what preferences Jakes or I have. I really has nothing to do with her. I think she was both shocked and enlightened.
My Ex wife and myself have settled into an easier more friendly relationship. We have our bad moments though. Last week her boyfriend if Jakes, myself and the kids will join them to watch a theatre production of "The Full Monty" on the weekend. So My Ex wife, her boyfriend, his family, my boyfriend the children and myself all went to theatre on the weekend. Rather surreal I think. The show was good. The drinks bill was shocking ;-)
My brother has moved from ignoring my gayness, to accepting it, to now making really off colour but well intended jokes about it. :-) We do have some good laughs and are perhaps even closer than before.
Last week we had the Gay and Lesbian film festival in town. I will be blogging my reviews shortly. The films were largely very good and well worth it. I think we took in six films over the week.
In other news the first weekend in October will see Johannesburg's Pride march. I am still undecided on how I feel about this but will be attending anyway. I think I need to attend at least one pride march in my life. I have agreed to assist in the construction of the SA Bears float for the occasion. The social aspects of this should make it worthwhile. I work for a media company who will have a photographer at the parade. I think that will ensure anyone who has any doubts about my sexuality at the office will have it confirmed in a big way.
Well that is some of my news. I would love to hear from you?
With much love
Anthony
The post is largely similar to a letter I sent to a friend and far flung love a few days back.
I hope this post finds you all well and in good spirits.
My life ambles on, in an uncertain form of domestic bliss. It is all still "moonshine and roses" between Jakes and myself. I have oft contemplated that one day he would move on and I would be devastated. The strange thing is I realised last week if he seeked more commitment from me, I would be terrified. I am not sure I am ready for the long term. It amazes me that I could freely say "I love you" to a man in a foreign land and mean it. I cannot say it to the man who has shared my bed for the last eight months. Love is not a word either of us can bring ourselves to put "out there". Right now it still works and we enjoy what we have.
We are still actively involved in the bear community. Sometimes the SA Bears and the SA Leathermen have a combined gathering at a local watering hole. Rather festive and a lot of fun.
In my first forays into the gaybourhood, I met a friend and lover who breached the safety of cyberspace relationships. I think we met at a time where we could both meet a variety of needs within each other. Like me he started out as the deeply closeted gay man. We spoke again this week. It is awesome to see him bloom as a person living as an out gay man.
My children are all well. I am hugely proud of them. I know I upset their lives hugely in pursuit of a more honest me. They all took it in their stride. It is good to know I am loved by them
My mother called some weeks back to ask me some questions. She had seen something on Dr Phil about some children whose parents had come out of the closet.
She asked me if my children were okay with my "condition" ? I could only laugh, and contemplate calling in sick with my "conditon". I assured her the children were fine with my condition and that they got on really well with Jakes. She did tell me how shocked she was to discover my sexuality and that she loves me anyway but that my father does not approve. I was not surprised by that. My father was always the one to hide behind on dissaproval. "I am fine with .... but your father.........." was oft heard.
My dad and I have managed to keep speaking. I can see he does struggle with having a gay son.
Coversations with him are fine and unstunted as long as we stick to safe topics like work and the weather.
My mom has since contacted me to ask about bears and the nature of the partys. She also wanted to know who is the woman in a gay relationship. I pointed out we are gay because we like men. There is no woman in our relatioship. She then skirted around trying to ask who does what to whom in the bedroom. I told her it has nothing to do with her what happens in my bedroom. I then took the time to explain tops, bottoms, versatile men and those who don't indulge in anal play at all. I did not indicate anything as to what preferences Jakes or I have. I really has nothing to do with her. I think she was both shocked and enlightened.
My Ex wife and myself have settled into an easier more friendly relationship. We have our bad moments though. Last week her boyfriend if Jakes, myself and the kids will join them to watch a theatre production of "The Full Monty" on the weekend. So My Ex wife, her boyfriend, his family, my boyfriend the children and myself all went to theatre on the weekend. Rather surreal I think. The show was good. The drinks bill was shocking ;-)
My brother has moved from ignoring my gayness, to accepting it, to now making really off colour but well intended jokes about it. :-) We do have some good laughs and are perhaps even closer than before.
Last week we had the Gay and Lesbian film festival in town. I will be blogging my reviews shortly. The films were largely very good and well worth it. I think we took in six films over the week.
In other news the first weekend in October will see Johannesburg's Pride march. I am still undecided on how I feel about this but will be attending anyway. I think I need to attend at least one pride march in my life. I have agreed to assist in the construction of the SA Bears float for the occasion. The social aspects of this should make it worthwhile. I work for a media company who will have a photographer at the parade. I think that will ensure anyone who has any doubts about my sexuality at the office will have it confirmed in a big way.
Well that is some of my news. I would love to hear from you?
With much love
Anthony
Monday, August 04, 2008
Tempus Fugit
Hey there good people.
Time sure has flown. I think a missive from the south is long overdue, since I see some faithful still stop by. Thank You.
It has been around seven months now. I still experience moments of disbelief that I could be in a stable, happy relationship with someone again. Jakes and I are going strong it seems. Neither of us is betting on the future, but we are both committed to what we have now, and neither of us see's it changing in the foreseeable future.
I do have a lot of admiration for the man. Getting involved with a man, who is just out of the closet, has children, a host of complications that come, with previously being married. It takes a certain bravery or foolhardiness. My kids are hugely fond of him and the consideration he shows them always touches me deeply.
As to what we have been doing for the last seven months.
We are actively involved within the local bear community. (Ironic considering how little hair I have). What a fantastic bunch of social creatures bears are. Bears in the woods are clearly very playful and we enjoy the time spent within the community immensely.
Bears playing in the woods aside, there is and additional charity angle. Bear socials are often also fund raisers for a local charity that takes care of the needs of babies and toddlers in distress. Most of these little folk have been orphaned by HIV/AIDS. (http://www.placeofsafety.org.za/) My hat is off to Harley Davidson, Jeep and Dior who have all stepped in with sponsorship for these events.
Jakes is the official group photographer. I tend to just be the socialite there. Not every picture taken is fit for public consumption but it is all in good fun and the cause noble I believe.
In a moment of insanity right at the start of our winter, we elected to go hiking with my lifelong buddy and his wife. A five day trip hiking in the Drakensburg Mountains, two weeks after the first snows had fallen in the region. The four of us set out unguided up and around some mountains. Night one and night four we would sleep in tents at a "base camp" We planned to sleep in caves the other nights and hike during the day. We had a Map, a compass, and global positioning unit and 50 pounds of weight each on our backs. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
As it so happens the map was drawn by a cartographer with a twisted sense of humor. The latitude/ longitude and layout were nowhere near reality. A global positioning unit and compass to navigate to specific points on the map are only useful if the map is as some level accurate.
We got lost on day one of heading for the first cave. At nightfall we managed to orientate ourselves and came to the realization that we were at least 8 miles from our intended cave. The wind came up, as did the rain, and even the odd hailstone. It got bitterly cold. It was unspoken but we realized we could not afford to stop moving. What started as a little jaunt in the mountains rapidly felt serious and even life threatening.
The hiker’s thermometer we had attached to my kit bag rapidly started reading well below zero. We ambled on for literal hours, equipped with meager led lamps since we had not planned on hiking at night. After six and a half hours of struggling on in darkness, we found a sheltered rock overhang. Realizing that was as good as it was going to get we stopped for the night. Modesty be damned at that point. We stripped out of our wet clothing and got into our sleeping bags. Fortunately we had decided to spend the extra money and get bags designed for colder conditions. We soon passed out. I felt completely broken. The last fourteen years of my life were sedentary and behind a desk. Jakes and I were both thinking at that point never again.
We had not seen anything but blackness for over six hours (bar the meager light we shone at our feet at we walked). We still had no real idea if we were anywhere near where we thought we might be. We could no longer be sure how far we walked or how high up we had gone. It just seemed like a really bad idea.
Waking up the next day had its own surprises. We awoke to warm sunshine and the view was beyond description. We were situated above the clouds looking down onto them. Every so often the clouds would separate and reveal glimpses of a green valley below. The scenery seemed to change every few minutes. It was breathtaking and beautiful. Life suddenly felt a lot better, aching sore bodies aside.
We did manage to work out where we were and found ourselves to be a mere hours hike from the cave we had originally set out for. We hiked as far as the cave and set up camp for the next night. We prepared hot food and had a good nights rest. We were snug and oblivious to the cold.
The hike down the next day was long and arduous, but the scenery spectacular. When we returned to the starting point we found a mountain rescue team preparing to go and look for lost hikers. I also had a lot of frantic messages left on my mobile phone to see if we were okay. The previous night’s news reported on some hikers who had perished the night before on that same mountain range. They had died from exposure. It was quite sobering to realize how reckless we had been undertaking the trip the way we did.
I am sure we will go hiking again, but we will be better prepared and be certain of the accuracy of the map before we set out.
In other snippets, my ex wife and I seem to still be on good terms. Those of you who have been around for a while will understand I still have trust issues with her. But for now it is all good.
My eldest has taken a keen interest in playing guitar. I have purchased more sets of strings since December than I thought one could use in a lifetime. He literally plays the strings to the point of disintegration. He has made good progress though. I am very proud of him. I have told him to keep studying at school though in case his rock star dreams don’t work out. I did feel bad for him when he announced to his new girlfriend that his dad is gay. She dumped him saying her parents would not approve of me. My son’s attitude to his credit is if she can’t accept me for who I am it is her problem.
My youngest two, are also well. I am very proud of my kids for the way they have handled me coming out and the love and support they have shown me. My greatest fear was losing them. I realize now it will never happen.
Best I get busy at the salt mine.
Oh, a last minute edit. I see I trashed my links list. I have fixed it again now.
Loads of love
Anthony
Time sure has flown. I think a missive from the south is long overdue, since I see some faithful still stop by. Thank You.
It has been around seven months now. I still experience moments of disbelief that I could be in a stable, happy relationship with someone again. Jakes and I are going strong it seems. Neither of us is betting on the future, but we are both committed to what we have now, and neither of us see's it changing in the foreseeable future.
I do have a lot of admiration for the man. Getting involved with a man, who is just out of the closet, has children, a host of complications that come, with previously being married. It takes a certain bravery or foolhardiness. My kids are hugely fond of him and the consideration he shows them always touches me deeply.
As to what we have been doing for the last seven months.
We are actively involved within the local bear community. (Ironic considering how little hair I have). What a fantastic bunch of social creatures bears are. Bears in the woods are clearly very playful and we enjoy the time spent within the community immensely.
Bears playing in the woods aside, there is and additional charity angle. Bear socials are often also fund raisers for a local charity that takes care of the needs of babies and toddlers in distress. Most of these little folk have been orphaned by HIV/AIDS. (http://www.placeofsafety.org.za/) My hat is off to Harley Davidson, Jeep and Dior who have all stepped in with sponsorship for these events.
Jakes is the official group photographer. I tend to just be the socialite there. Not every picture taken is fit for public consumption but it is all in good fun and the cause noble I believe.
In a moment of insanity right at the start of our winter, we elected to go hiking with my lifelong buddy and his wife. A five day trip hiking in the Drakensburg Mountains, two weeks after the first snows had fallen in the region. The four of us set out unguided up and around some mountains. Night one and night four we would sleep in tents at a "base camp" We planned to sleep in caves the other nights and hike during the day. We had a Map, a compass, and global positioning unit and 50 pounds of weight each on our backs. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
As it so happens the map was drawn by a cartographer with a twisted sense of humor. The latitude/ longitude and layout were nowhere near reality. A global positioning unit and compass to navigate to specific points on the map are only useful if the map is as some level accurate.
We got lost on day one of heading for the first cave. At nightfall we managed to orientate ourselves and came to the realization that we were at least 8 miles from our intended cave. The wind came up, as did the rain, and even the odd hailstone. It got bitterly cold. It was unspoken but we realized we could not afford to stop moving. What started as a little jaunt in the mountains rapidly felt serious and even life threatening.
The hiker’s thermometer we had attached to my kit bag rapidly started reading well below zero. We ambled on for literal hours, equipped with meager led lamps since we had not planned on hiking at night. After six and a half hours of struggling on in darkness, we found a sheltered rock overhang. Realizing that was as good as it was going to get we stopped for the night. Modesty be damned at that point. We stripped out of our wet clothing and got into our sleeping bags. Fortunately we had decided to spend the extra money and get bags designed for colder conditions. We soon passed out. I felt completely broken. The last fourteen years of my life were sedentary and behind a desk. Jakes and I were both thinking at that point never again.
We had not seen anything but blackness for over six hours (bar the meager light we shone at our feet at we walked). We still had no real idea if we were anywhere near where we thought we might be. We could no longer be sure how far we walked or how high up we had gone. It just seemed like a really bad idea.
Waking up the next day had its own surprises. We awoke to warm sunshine and the view was beyond description. We were situated above the clouds looking down onto them. Every so often the clouds would separate and reveal glimpses of a green valley below. The scenery seemed to change every few minutes. It was breathtaking and beautiful. Life suddenly felt a lot better, aching sore bodies aside.
We did manage to work out where we were and found ourselves to be a mere hours hike from the cave we had originally set out for. We hiked as far as the cave and set up camp for the next night. We prepared hot food and had a good nights rest. We were snug and oblivious to the cold.
The hike down the next day was long and arduous, but the scenery spectacular. When we returned to the starting point we found a mountain rescue team preparing to go and look for lost hikers. I also had a lot of frantic messages left on my mobile phone to see if we were okay. The previous night’s news reported on some hikers who had perished the night before on that same mountain range. They had died from exposure. It was quite sobering to realize how reckless we had been undertaking the trip the way we did.
I am sure we will go hiking again, but we will be better prepared and be certain of the accuracy of the map before we set out.
In other snippets, my ex wife and I seem to still be on good terms. Those of you who have been around for a while will understand I still have trust issues with her. But for now it is all good.
My eldest has taken a keen interest in playing guitar. I have purchased more sets of strings since December than I thought one could use in a lifetime. He literally plays the strings to the point of disintegration. He has made good progress though. I am very proud of him. I have told him to keep studying at school though in case his rock star dreams don’t work out. I did feel bad for him when he announced to his new girlfriend that his dad is gay. She dumped him saying her parents would not approve of me. My son’s attitude to his credit is if she can’t accept me for who I am it is her problem.
My youngest two, are also well. I am very proud of my kids for the way they have handled me coming out and the love and support they have shown me. My greatest fear was losing them. I realize now it will never happen.
Best I get busy at the salt mine.
Oh, a last minute edit. I see I trashed my links list. I have fixed it again now.
Loads of love
Anthony
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
A meme , general stuff..................
.........and a picture or two to show Jakes is not a figment of my imagination :)
The Meme.
The rules for the meme are:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
I have been tagged by Jen.
Here are my six:
1. My ex wife looks like Judy Garland. Some would say it is amazing I could not know/accept I was gay. She was afterall one of the great Gay Icons
2. I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. ;-) At 34 and 14 years into a career, I may be leaving the descision until it is too late.
3. I am particular about how the toilet roll is replaced. The loose end must be away from the wall.
4. I have a second blog known to my sraight world of old, not known to most here. Since I am out the closet now, I am thinking how best to amalgamate the two. This blog is my primary one
5. I am technically blind in one eye. I list it as non important, since it has not impacted my life at all. I have been like that since birth.
6. My surname translated from it's original dialect means "place of the dogs". I would have preferred "place of the bears" ;-)
My tag list is as follows. If you are up for playing please feel free, or not be that as it may ;-)
1. Peter
2. Dave
3. Steven
4. Bigg
5. Tony
6. Atari
Life in General
Hey good blogger folk. WOOT WOOT. Another post. At least two this year. Hopefully I will be blogging more.
All is well in my gaybourhood. Spent a great weekend with my kids. I treasure the time I get with them. The fact they like my boyfriend makes it just so much better.
Was good to hear how Spider is doing from Tony. Those of you who have been around a while would know I been crushing on Spiderman for a long time ;-). He does hold the stature of blogworld superhero for me.
I would never have thought it possible for the intensity of relationships that develop. There is one distant voice that I really have missed speaking to of late. You could say I feel a little out at sea without it. Hopefully we will talk again soon.
Lastly, I am still amazed at the comfotable relationship I find myself in. Jakes offers a fantastic reason to hurry home at the end of a work day.
Taken by the www.gaypeers.com website on the 28th of December 2008. Myself with Jakes. The photo marks our second date.
An idulgent photograph of Jakes last week, taken by me, sadistically blinding him with the flash.
The Meme.
The rules for the meme are:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
I have been tagged by Jen.
Here are my six:
1. My ex wife looks like Judy Garland. Some would say it is amazing I could not know/accept I was gay. She was afterall one of the great Gay Icons
2. I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up. ;-) At 34 and 14 years into a career, I may be leaving the descision until it is too late.
3. I am particular about how the toilet roll is replaced. The loose end must be away from the wall.
4. I have a second blog known to my sraight world of old, not known to most here. Since I am out the closet now, I am thinking how best to amalgamate the two. This blog is my primary one
5. I am technically blind in one eye. I list it as non important, since it has not impacted my life at all. I have been like that since birth.
6. My surname translated from it's original dialect means "place of the dogs". I would have preferred "place of the bears" ;-)
My tag list is as follows. If you are up for playing please feel free, or not be that as it may ;-)
1. Peter
2. Dave
3. Steven
4. Bigg
5. Tony
6. Atari
Life in General
Hey good blogger folk. WOOT WOOT. Another post. At least two this year. Hopefully I will be blogging more.
All is well in my gaybourhood. Spent a great weekend with my kids. I treasure the time I get with them. The fact they like my boyfriend makes it just so much better.
Was good to hear how Spider is doing from Tony. Those of you who have been around a while would know I been crushing on Spiderman for a long time ;-). He does hold the stature of blogworld superhero for me.
I would never have thought it possible for the intensity of relationships that develop. There is one distant voice that I really have missed speaking to of late. You could say I feel a little out at sea without it. Hopefully we will talk again soon.
Lastly, I am still amazed at the comfotable relationship I find myself in. Jakes offers a fantastic reason to hurry home at the end of a work day.
Taken by the www.gaypeers.com website on the 28th of December 2008. Myself with Jakes. The photo marks our second date.
An idulgent photograph of Jakes last week, taken by me, sadistically blinding him with the flash.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
A December to remember.
"And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last" - Counting Crows - A Long December .
I know it’s daft to bring up my previous December in February, but it forms part of the story I have to tell. . To those of you wondering what I look like please take a peak at the previous post.
First on the agenda, just a shout out to some new reads of mine. Peter from Tippin the scales, Daveincleveland and Steven at Sooo-this-is-me. Gentlemen, welcome, thanks for stopping by and thanks for sharing of yourselves. Additionally I have just found Jen over at Kids of Queers. Good reading for queer parents and kids with queer parents.
Second up my December to remember.
I spent the first half of my December with my kids. The longest uninterrupted period I had seen them in over a year. It was awesome. Far better than two days in 14. Them headed back to mom, has left me with a dull ache.
For the second half of December I made up my mind to start checking out the gay bar/club scene. It felt okay to do, since I am out to pretty much the world at large now. I found myself some friends and we hit the scene in earnest. I acted the perfect social butterfly, experiencing as much as I could in a short space of time. It felt awesome to get out on the tiles so to speak and shake what my momma gave me. The attention of a massively younger man was very flattering to say the least. I will admit I may have kissed a guy or two ;-).
Key here for me was the liberation I felt to be who I am, with no pretense, 100% comfortable in my own skin, with a whole heap of kindred souls. It has been years since I can recall having such a good time. I cannot actually adequately describe how good it felt to just be. I had forgotten what it was like to hit the sack long after sunrise. It was two weeks of sheer indulgence
What I did not anticipate, was the presence of photographers at these clubs, taking photographs, for some gay and social websites. My mug appearing on multiple websites with gay splashed all over them, did compel me to out myself to anyone remaining I thought I would rather be the first to tell. That was probably a good thing. The fact I am with a different man in each photograph could be severely misinterpreted. I was not a slut. I promise :-).
In my previous post I referred to some news that stunned me some. A lot of that has to do with my own impulsive behavior. A far cry from the wreck who wrung his hands over every decision he ever made.
I will try and keep it short.
On the 27th of Dec, I agreed to meet a man (Jakes) for lunch (this been the first time we ever met). Lunch was good, company was excellent. I have rarely felt that comfortable with someone ever, especially so soon after the first hello. We agreed to meet again for drinks the following night.
On the 28th night time seemed a long way off so we met for lunch, followed by drinks in the evening. Went to a bar, and caught a few live bands, trying to pay their dues. After that we hit the club scene. The sun was up before we said our good byes outside the club. The comfortable feeling I had first experienced was pervasive
On the 29th. Jakes invited me to a theatre production. Neither of us had any idea what the show was about. The local press had little to say on the production. It turned out to be a really excellent, hilarious and camp view of the airline industry. The lead performed by a brilliant drag artist, not a line was wasted. The innuendo, humour and wordplay in every line was hilarious. We left the theatre with our sides and faces sore from the laughter
Three days in I was still feeling really good and well at ease in his company.
Three days later, he moved in to my apartment me.
Insane by most peoples standards. I am running on an impulse. We are both trying to keep a realistic outlook. We are both recently out of long term relationships. I have had one short term relationship in between (refer to October 2007 Boyfriend post). Neither of us wants to get hurt.
Strangely we both have the same quirks: The kind that would generally annoy a partner. Since we have them in common, that is working out rather well. Everything right now just fits and fits really comfortably.
The day after I met him I still made a bold statement and said, "I won't let anyone get too close to me for a very long time." Can I have some cheese sauce to make the words more palatable as I swallow them?
He has met my family already. They experienced that same at ease feeling. To my brother's credit this is quite a stretch for him. The last thing he had imagined in life is that his brother would turn out gay. He has taken it all in his stride. I am both relieved and happy. I guess blood truly is thicker than water.
What I will say is he is a really exceptional guy. He has integrity, I can only hope to one day achieve. He is sensitive, caring, humourous, gentle and dare I say sexy.
Importantly, my children like him. He had a lot of apprehension about meeting them. I swear the man is a natural. My kids have all found a friend in him. I had major concern about their response to a man sharing my bed. My fears were unfounded. Kids just accepted it as the most natural thing in the world. Obviously I see a need to safeguard my kids should things not work out. To Jakes’ credit, he raised the issue.
My eldest asked me some honest questions after the first weekend. I gave him some very honest answers. I am certain now I will never loose my kids, come what may. I am a blessed dad.
We have been together over a month now. The relationship is just as comfortable. I found myself counting my blessings again as I lay with Jakes in one arm, and my eldest son in the other, watching a Sci-Fi flick, last night.
I won't make any predictions on the future. Right now we are living in the moment I guess. I would be lying if I said I am not hugely taken by Jakes. I lay awake at night and look at his sleeping form next to me and smile with a pleasure and certain amount of disbelief.
I am indeed a fortunate man.
With Much Love
Anthony
Maybe this year will be better than the last" - Counting Crows - A Long December .
I know it’s daft to bring up my previous December in February, but it forms part of the story I have to tell. . To those of you wondering what I look like please take a peak at the previous post.
First on the agenda, just a shout out to some new reads of mine. Peter from Tippin the scales, Daveincleveland and Steven at Sooo-this-is-me. Gentlemen, welcome, thanks for stopping by and thanks for sharing of yourselves. Additionally I have just found Jen over at Kids of Queers. Good reading for queer parents and kids with queer parents.
Second up my December to remember.
I spent the first half of my December with my kids. The longest uninterrupted period I had seen them in over a year. It was awesome. Far better than two days in 14. Them headed back to mom, has left me with a dull ache.
For the second half of December I made up my mind to start checking out the gay bar/club scene. It felt okay to do, since I am out to pretty much the world at large now. I found myself some friends and we hit the scene in earnest. I acted the perfect social butterfly, experiencing as much as I could in a short space of time. It felt awesome to get out on the tiles so to speak and shake what my momma gave me. The attention of a massively younger man was very flattering to say the least. I will admit I may have kissed a guy or two ;-).
Key here for me was the liberation I felt to be who I am, with no pretense, 100% comfortable in my own skin, with a whole heap of kindred souls. It has been years since I can recall having such a good time. I cannot actually adequately describe how good it felt to just be. I had forgotten what it was like to hit the sack long after sunrise. It was two weeks of sheer indulgence
What I did not anticipate, was the presence of photographers at these clubs, taking photographs, for some gay and social websites. My mug appearing on multiple websites with gay splashed all over them, did compel me to out myself to anyone remaining I thought I would rather be the first to tell. That was probably a good thing. The fact I am with a different man in each photograph could be severely misinterpreted. I was not a slut. I promise :-).
In my previous post I referred to some news that stunned me some. A lot of that has to do with my own impulsive behavior. A far cry from the wreck who wrung his hands over every decision he ever made.
I will try and keep it short.
On the 27th of Dec, I agreed to meet a man (Jakes) for lunch (this been the first time we ever met). Lunch was good, company was excellent. I have rarely felt that comfortable with someone ever, especially so soon after the first hello. We agreed to meet again for drinks the following night.
On the 28th night time seemed a long way off so we met for lunch, followed by drinks in the evening. Went to a bar, and caught a few live bands, trying to pay their dues. After that we hit the club scene. The sun was up before we said our good byes outside the club. The comfortable feeling I had first experienced was pervasive
On the 29th. Jakes invited me to a theatre production. Neither of us had any idea what the show was about. The local press had little to say on the production. It turned out to be a really excellent, hilarious and camp view of the airline industry. The lead performed by a brilliant drag artist, not a line was wasted. The innuendo, humour and wordplay in every line was hilarious. We left the theatre with our sides and faces sore from the laughter
Three days in I was still feeling really good and well at ease in his company.
Three days later, he moved in to my apartment me.
Insane by most peoples standards. I am running on an impulse. We are both trying to keep a realistic outlook. We are both recently out of long term relationships. I have had one short term relationship in between (refer to October 2007 Boyfriend post). Neither of us wants to get hurt.
Strangely we both have the same quirks: The kind that would generally annoy a partner. Since we have them in common, that is working out rather well. Everything right now just fits and fits really comfortably.
The day after I met him I still made a bold statement and said, "I won't let anyone get too close to me for a very long time." Can I have some cheese sauce to make the words more palatable as I swallow them?
He has met my family already. They experienced that same at ease feeling. To my brother's credit this is quite a stretch for him. The last thing he had imagined in life is that his brother would turn out gay. He has taken it all in his stride. I am both relieved and happy. I guess blood truly is thicker than water.
What I will say is he is a really exceptional guy. He has integrity, I can only hope to one day achieve. He is sensitive, caring, humourous, gentle and dare I say sexy.
Importantly, my children like him. He had a lot of apprehension about meeting them. I swear the man is a natural. My kids have all found a friend in him. I had major concern about their response to a man sharing my bed. My fears were unfounded. Kids just accepted it as the most natural thing in the world. Obviously I see a need to safeguard my kids should things not work out. To Jakes’ credit, he raised the issue.
My eldest asked me some honest questions after the first weekend. I gave him some very honest answers. I am certain now I will never loose my kids, come what may. I am a blessed dad.
We have been together over a month now. The relationship is just as comfortable. I found myself counting my blessings again as I lay with Jakes in one arm, and my eldest son in the other, watching a Sci-Fi flick, last night.
I won't make any predictions on the future. Right now we are living in the moment I guess. I would be lying if I said I am not hugely taken by Jakes. I lay awake at night and look at his sleeping form next to me and smile with a pleasure and certain amount of disbelief.
I am indeed a fortunate man.
With Much Love
Anthony
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
It is time HNT
Hello blogger folk.
Thanks for anyone still around. I am perhaps undeserving but grateful. No it's not Thursday, but I can fake it if you can?
In December 2005 (21st to be exact) I posted an HNT pic and text as follows,
The picture I most want to post. The one that my heart aches to post. It would leave me more naked than any other. I long for the day I can post it here in its unaltered unedited state.
Well that day has arrived. I am far more out of the closet than in. I have had my first relationship of the bent persuasion, skinned my heart and skinned my knees (sorry, could not resist) . I have broken up. I am older and wiser.
I am not afraid to be recognised, I no longer need to hide my face and be an anonymous entity. I am What I Am
So here is me looking at you. It is a newer image than the pic I originally used. The pic is 100% pure unaltered, honest and recent.
I will end with a tip of the hat to a few of the lads who have been here for a long time and have seen me go from Married/bisexual/confused/angst ridden man to just a big ol gay boy :)
Scotty, who rattled the closet door. It set a ball in motion that I am forever grateful for.
Spider(man), who challenged my thinking around myself and my childhood. He helped me make peace with the child I left behind.
Hypoxic, who inspired me to take a stand on human rights. He made me see it was bigger than a "gay" thing.
Troll, my far flung voice of moderation who, gave me pause for thought and tempered my reactions through some really dark days.
Bigg, who posted with such beauty and expression of love for his children
Stephen , whose words can make a person ache, and yet believe and long for something more. His choice of images to embellish his posts are always par excellance.
MrSecret, who became no secret and inspired me forward.
Colaboy, who in few words made me comfortable to explore myself some more. His HNT pics have always been pleasing on the eye ;-)
Rob , who reminded me sometimes it is best to fly below the radar.
Flip, a man of conviction. The kind who inspires and challenges you to be a better person
Drew, a voice amongst the married gay men, who just made the world a little less lonely.
Mr Brian, who gave insightful relationship advice, in my dealings with my ex wife. Also for his book Second Chances that addressed the emotion of possibly losing the children that are not biologically yours.
Jamie, a wolf with good wishes and honest writing.
Paul, for his thought provoking and sometimes challenging quotes.
Peter , who is too busy to be sick, and inspiring in his outlook on life.
Phoenixboi , for his support and HAWT HNT pics :)
Nate, another in the, Married(gay) with children, series. Reading his honesty and the conflict within, has been comforting.
Tony, who has done some HNT hotness and oft made me think of the things I like and who I am.
There are others. Please forgive me if you are not mentioned here. Thank you and bless you all.
The next update is in the pipeline. I am a little stunned by it's contents myself.
With Love
Anthony
Thanks for anyone still around. I am perhaps undeserving but grateful. No it's not Thursday, but I can fake it if you can?
In December 2005 (21st to be exact) I posted an HNT pic and text as follows,
The picture I most want to post. The one that my heart aches to post. It would leave me more naked than any other. I long for the day I can post it here in its unaltered unedited state.
Well that day has arrived. I am far more out of the closet than in. I have had my first relationship of the bent persuasion, skinned my heart and skinned my knees (sorry, could not resist) . I have broken up. I am older and wiser.
I am not afraid to be recognised, I no longer need to hide my face and be an anonymous entity. I am What I Am
So here is me looking at you. It is a newer image than the pic I originally used. The pic is 100% pure unaltered, honest and recent.
I will end with a tip of the hat to a few of the lads who have been here for a long time and have seen me go from Married/bisexual/confused/angst ridden man to just a big ol gay boy :)Scotty, who rattled the closet door. It set a ball in motion that I am forever grateful for.
Spider(man), who challenged my thinking around myself and my childhood. He helped me make peace with the child I left behind.
Hypoxic, who inspired me to take a stand on human rights. He made me see it was bigger than a "gay" thing.
Troll, my far flung voice of moderation who, gave me pause for thought and tempered my reactions through some really dark days.
Bigg, who posted with such beauty and expression of love for his children
Stephen , whose words can make a person ache, and yet believe and long for something more. His choice of images to embellish his posts are always par excellance.
MrSecret, who became no secret and inspired me forward.
Colaboy, who in few words made me comfortable to explore myself some more. His HNT pics have always been pleasing on the eye ;-)
Rob , who reminded me sometimes it is best to fly below the radar.
Flip, a man of conviction. The kind who inspires and challenges you to be a better person
Drew, a voice amongst the married gay men, who just made the world a little less lonely.
Mr Brian, who gave insightful relationship advice, in my dealings with my ex wife. Also for his book Second Chances that addressed the emotion of possibly losing the children that are not biologically yours.
Jamie, a wolf with good wishes and honest writing.
Paul, for his thought provoking and sometimes challenging quotes.
Peter , who is too busy to be sick, and inspiring in his outlook on life.
Phoenixboi , for his support and HAWT HNT pics :)
Nate, another in the, Married(gay) with children, series. Reading his honesty and the conflict within, has been comforting.
Tony, who has done some HNT hotness and oft made me think of the things I like and who I am.
There are others. Please forgive me if you are not mentioned here. Thank you and bless you all.
The next update is in the pipeline. I am a little stunned by it's contents myself.
With Love
Anthony
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
